


Mes mains sont sales, les tiennes sont propres.

by AnimeFan1242



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: "Therapist" Hange, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Character's Name Spelled as Jaeger, Eren Is a Little Shit, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, French Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Hange Zoë's Experiments, Kenny isn't a total piece of shit, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has OCD, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is Bad At Feelings, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is In Denial, M/M, Mysophobia, Nice Kenny Ackerman, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Third Person Limited, Phobias, Rated for Levi's Language (Shingeki no Kyojin), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Titan War, Top Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 10:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeFan1242/pseuds/AnimeFan1242
Summary: Title translation: My hands are dirty, yours are clean.Everything and everyone around him is filthy, unsanitary, impure, foul. What happens when he is plagued with filthy thoughts towards a subordinate? What happens when, although the thought of physical contact with another makes his skin itch, all he wants to do is hold the impulsive and reckless green-eyed boy? Everything in his life is about to change, but is he willing to let it?





	1. Crasseux

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 (Translation): Filthy 
> 
> Hey guys! So before you start reading, I'd just like to let you all know that some of this may be hard to understand. I suffer from a thing called germophobia (mysophobia) but I'm not even close to the level at which I'll be depicting Levi as in this story. Most of the explaining of coming into contact with something foreign and uncomforting will be described in the way that I personally experience it. If you too have germophobia, and this isn't how you experience it, let me know! Everybody experiences OCD(Germophobia is a form of OCD) in different ways, and hearing any outside input could help me develop Levi's character throughout the story. :)
> 
>  
> 
> DISCLAMER: This fanfiction is for entertainment, non-profit purposes only. I do not claim ownership of any canon characters or the world that this is set in.

The expedition was simple. Go out, get supplies, come back. It was a short trip, the ride to get the tanks of gas needed for their 3D Maneuver Gear and some other supplies would most likely take less than 24 hours to complete. The path that was being taken during the expedition was one that was used often (As there was a lack of Titan activity on the pathway they were on). Although the Titan activity was low, you could never let your guard down. Letting your guard down meant death.

 

* * *

 

“What on earth do you think you’re doing, Shitty Glasses?” Levi says through gritted teeth as Hanji, yet again, was taking up his personal space.

“Very important science stuff. Very, very important.” Hanji says in reply, whipping out a notebook and pencil. “Any updates?” They say pencil tip pressed to paper, giving Levi their utmost attention.  

“Fuck off,” was his only reply as he picked up the cup of black tea that he had been nursing throughout the short breakfast, and stood up from where he sat in the corner of the room.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Hanji yells enthusiastically to the departing figure while jotting down a few notes and scampering away from the table. Ever since Levi had opened up to Hanji about a particularly irrational fear of his, the scientist had been hellbent on trying to help Levi get over it. With a sigh, Levi makes his way to the kitchen to clean his gently used teacup. Taking off his gloves, he throws them in a nearby garbage can and gets to work cleaning his mug and whatever dishes were in the sink. Once done cleaning, drying, and putting away the dishes, Levi wipes down the counters and the cabinets, cleaning off the small buildup of invisible dust that had started forming, then decides to run the mop over the floor to get rid of the dirt and grime that the boots walking over the hardwood had left behind. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a hand on his hip, he gives the kitchen a once-over before he lets out a pleased hum and makes his way to his bedroom for a new, fresh, pair of gloves.

The time that Levi spent cleaning had caused the hours to go by faster, and before he knew it, the kitchen was filled with loud, drowsy, and hungry soldiers. Breakfast, which consisted of a hard roll of bread, an egg, and two sausages, had been served, ate, and cleaned up relatively fast. Morning training had followed shortly after the simple breakfast, which was mostly just warming up and stretching before putting on their Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear (3DMG) then working on basic flips and spins. Every one of the new soldiers was talented, in their own way of course. Though some weren't as physically competent as Reiner Braun, who was one of the most strong-willed soldiers, there were those who were more mentally competent like Armin Arlert who was a genius when it came to strategy and theoretical courses. There was Berthold Huber who excelled in hand to hand combat but lacked self-confidence, and Jean Kirschtein who was highly skilled in the 3D Maneuver Gear but prone to sparking conflicts. There was Connie Springer who has good balance and is great at making tight turns, but his grasp of strategy was typically less than perfect, and there was Sasha Braus, incredibly fast with an uncanny intuition, but unfit for group operations. Last but not least there was Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Jeager. Mikasa was a prodigy, excelling in even the most difficult tasks, and Eren was capable of turning into a 15 meter Titan. He has no particular talent aside from that, but he has a stronger sense of purpose than anyone else.

Training was done early to make sure nobody's body was strained for tomorrow's expedition. Even though the training was shortened, the soldiers all worked hard, and in the end, they were sweaty, hungry, and tired. Luckily for them, dinner had been finished and was already being served to some of the higher-ups. Dinner was quick, and throughout the majority of it, Levi double-checked the gear, making sure it was all cleaned and put away correctly. After seeing that everything was up to his standards, Levi found himself in a sparsely populated dining hall. Naturally, Levi didn't mind the sparse population as he preferred to eat in silence. Eating alone seemed more calming for Levi than eating in a group, as when eating around others there was typically always that one person who didn't know how to chew with their mouth closed, or who didn't know how to keep their food in their mouth. The thought of others disgusting eating habits made Levi cringe as he wiped down the table at which he would be sitting at before he retreated into the kitchen to grab a small, yet filling, tray of dinner.

 

* * *

 

 

The morning of the expedition was like any other. Only a handful of soldiers were needed as it was only a supply run, so the number of horses and carts that needed to be prepared was low. As the horses left the walls, there wasn't even a hushed whisper amongst the lot. Everything was going as planned, or well, as planned as an expedition outside the walls could be. The expedition was simple. Go out, get supplies, come back. It was a short trip, the ride to get the tanks of gas needed for their 3D Maneuver Gear and some other supplies would most likely take less than 24 hours to complete. The path that was being taken during the expedition was one that was used often (As there was a lack of Titan activity on the pathway they were on). Although the Titan activity was low, you could never let your guard down. Letting your guard down meant death. Anything could happen out in the open, anything at all.

The sound rang through the air before the smoke was seen. A thin line of black fog shot through the air, signaling that a Titan was nearby. Not just any Titan though, an abnormal, and it was straight ahead. The next two flares that were shot up, came from both sides. They were surrounded, and to make it even better, they were all abnormal. Two were coming from the front, one 10 meter and another 7 meter. There were multiple on each side, ranging in size but none seeming to go over 13 meters. The Titans were ignoring the people on horseback, heading towards the direction or the walls. Best to deal with them now rather than have them come up from behind later on.

“Tsk,” Levi says before spouting out orders, telling everybody to break off in groups of two and help out the left and right flank while he took out the two barreling straight for them from the front. There weren't too many big trees around him, so he'd have to make do with the sparsely placed, run down, buildings surrounding him. Holding onto the reins of his horse, Levi stood up and shot his gear into the 10 meter. Ricocheting off of the Titans body, Levi shoots himself up into the air before spinning and slicing the 10 meters nape before spinning directly into the 7 meters nape and killing it.

“Disgusting” Levi mumbled to himself as he pulled a small towel from his pocket and went to work on his blades. Although he knew the blood would soon evaporate, the look of the crimson red sprayed across his iron bamboo blades brought him discomfort. If cleaning off his blades was the only thing that made the discomfort go away, then that's what he was going to do.

If Levi weren't so focused on cleaning off his blades, he may have heard the footsteps coming up from behind him, and he may even have been able to avoid the events that were about to take part. If only he hadn't stopped to clean his blades in the middle of Titan-territory.

He had smelt it before he saw it. A powerful, pungent, disgusting odor filling his nostrils. The stench that was best described as garbage that had been left to ferment, decomposing meat, and rusting copper. It was a smell that Levi knew well. It was the smell of death. The scent was enough for Levi to finally focus on his surroundings, and when he looked up from his blades, he was greeted with a smile. The smile itself was as far away from a welcoming smile as possible. The skin over the teeth that were meant to be lips was non-existent, and instead of a row of pearly whites, teeth stained a rosy-pink lined the creature's mouth. A Titan. Steele like blue eyes stared into large light brown ones, and In the split second that Levi had to look at the Titans mouth, he couldn't help but notice the fresh, dark maroon liquid in its teeth and on its chin. A hand reached out to grab at Levi's body, but of course, it was too slow. In the act of repositioning his blades to fit correctly in his palms, the steel slashed along his gloved hands, rendering his gloves useless. Having no time to think about the fact that his hands were now exposed to the environment, Levi shoots his cable into a nearby tree to get momentum, before flipping around and grappling into the Titans nape. It took less than thirty seconds for the Titan to fall to the ground in a heap of evaporating skin and vapor, leaving Levi alone with his thoughts. Looking down, he stares at the handle of his gear and the gelatin-like liquid that was covering both his gear and hands. Although the crimson color was fading fast, Levi couldn't help but feel uneasy.

_“You need to wash your hands.”_ A voice said. Belonging to who, well, nobody really knew. If anybody else had heard the voice, that would've been a complete shock. The voice had belonged solely in the back of Levi's head, constantly nagging at him whenever anything was as it shouldn't be.

“No shit,” Levi grumbled to himself as he went to pull the towel he brought with him to clean his blades off, only to realize that in the scamper to put an end to the Titan who stood only 10 feet away from his face, he had dropped it. Turning to look at the spot where the white rag sat on the ground, Levi's eyes flicked between the palms of his hands and the now dirty rag, glare etched into his features. It was almost as if he was insulted that the small towel was now on the ground and not in his hands. Although the blood had already disappeared, he couldn't help but feel perturbed. After Titan blood had evaporated, nothing had stayed behind. Hanji had tried countless times to try and figure out a way to make it stay so they could study it, but much to their dismay, they never could figure it out. There was absolutely no residue left behind. Even though the fact that Titan remains evaporated and completely disappeared, Levi still felt the warmth of it on his skin. As he clenched and unclenched his fist, he felt the imaginary stickiness of the blood seeping into his pores. The feeling alone was enough to make his hands shake, the hands that were scabbed and raw from him constantly washing them.

_“You need to wash your hands. You need to wash your hands. You need to wash your hands, hands, hands..!”_ The voice chanted, making sure that the only thing Levi focused on was his discomfort and the dire need to cleanse himself. If the shaking of his palms wasn't bad enough, then the burning of his palms surely was. Of course, he knew that it was all in his head. That his hands weren't _actually_ overheating or changing in temperature like they had felt like they were doing. No, it was all just in his head, his body's own way of saying “Right here! This is the spot that needs to be cleaned! This is the spot that is contaminated!” That was at least how Levi translated the fiery aching of his hands. Everything was in his head, he knew it was. So why couldn't he be comfortable in his own skin? Why couldn't he bring himself to believe the thoughts that he had?

Levi contemplated wiping his hands on his clothes to rid himself of the awful feeling, but he knew that all that action would do was soil his clothing. With a sigh, Levi found it in himself to move his legs towards the white rag and pick it up using only his pointer finger and thumb to grasp the fabric. Holding it away from himself, he gave the rag a once-over before putting the tarnished fabric in his back pant pocket. Until the expedition was over, Levi wouldn't be able to get to fresh water and soap so he could wash his hands. That information made him uneasy and made his eyes return back to his shaking hands before focusing on the approaching footsteps coming from behind him.

“Levi?” The voice said a voice that Levi knew all too well. Turning around, Levi came face to face with a concerned Hanji. There was a question lingering in the air between them ‘Are you okay?’ it said, to which Levi just shook his head, in a way to shrug off the conversation. Hanji’s eyes darted down to Levi's hands and in understanding, Hanji began moving back into the direction that they had come from. Levi knew that they were leading him back to the rest of the group, and he couldn't have felt better. The sooner he got back, the sooner the expedition could continue, and the sooner they could return to the base so he could wash his hands like he and the voice in his head so desperately wanted.

Upon returning to the rest of the group, Levi saw his horse safely laced onto Hanji's. As he approached the black stallion, he hesitated. He couldn't help but think about the number of bacteria that sat on top of the horses’ hair or stop himself from thinking about the muck that he knew for a fact the horse had run through throughout the day. With reluctance, Levi grasped at the horses’ reins that he had held in his hands multiple times, and climbed on. Although he had handled this horse and its reins countless times over the years, the reins had felt foreign in his hands. Even though he kept the horse and its equipment clean, the feeling of the leather against his bare palms made them prickles and itch. The feeling was nearly impossible to explain, as it felt like multiple things at once. It felt as if he had to clench his fists, and it felt like he had to crack his knuckles. It felt like electricity or static ran through his veins, through his blood. Most of all, it felt like he had to wash his hands.

 

* * *

 

 

The ride back to base was easy, as nightfall fell upon the world. It was so easy that they only ended up taking down two Titans before they made it back to the walls, and before they made it back to their base. Once off his horse, Levi wasted no time in making sure it was properly brushed, fed, and had made sure to take off his gear before retreating to his bedroom. He ignored the worried voice of Hanji behind him and even ignored Erwin's voice as it was most-likely telling him something about filling out paperwork. He ignored the grumble of his stomach as he passed the kitchen, and ignored his own squad whilst he made his way to his room to cleanse himself of all the filth he knew was on his skin. As he approached his room, Levi hesitated as he looked at the doorknob. The knob was clean, he knew that. He had cleaned it before he had left for the expedition, and yet, he couldn't find it in himself to touch the knob. What if whilst he was gone somebody had touched it? There were over a trillion different types of microbes in the world, far more bacteria on the earth than there were stars in the sky, God forbid one of the bacteria that lay on his doorknob were to infect him with some sort of disease. Although his thoughts were irrational and unlikely, Levi had still gone out of his way to go to the kitchen and grab a small hand towel to open his door with. He would make sure to fully clean his room and door in the morning.

As Levi was now in his bedroom, he made a sharp turn into the bathroom. Placing the now dirty towel in his laundry basket, Levi begins to strip out of his uniform. Folding the clothes neatly, he puts them in his laundry basket alongside the rag then turns around towards his bathtub and begins to fill it up with water he had collected earlier in the day. Without bothering to heat up the water, Levi submerges himself into the clear liquid and grabs at the soap he had kept on the side of the tub. Despite the fact that the water was ice cold, and despite the fact that Levi's body had absentmindedly started to shiver in response to it, he paid no mind, too focused on finally being able to clean himself. Without another thought, Levi grasps the grey washcloth he had folded neatly in the corner of his tub and douses it in soap before pressing it roughly against his skin. He runs the rag over every inch of his skin once, twice, and by the third time, his skin is flushed a bright pink. The water, now a light brown which disgusted Levi and before he could let himself relax, he had to change the water. It was times like this when the dirt plagued the water that he sat in, that he wished the personal rooms had shower-heads. Alas, the only showers were the shared ones downstairs that Levi refused to go near.

Changing the water was an easy task, one that he had done fairly within minutes. Once done, he sits back in the water and grabs at a now clean white rag. Putting a new layer of soap on it, he runs the rag over his skin attempting to get the feeling of the brown water off of him. He's unsuccessful. The feeling of the brown water, the feeling of his horse's reins, and the feeling of the titan's blood from earlier in the day refused to leave his skin, as they had already sunk into his pores. Levi sat there, scrubbing at his already pink skin with unimaginable force. He wanted to get it off. Get off the feeling of blood and dirt, of filth and crud, but he couldn't. No matter how hard he rubbed at his skin, the feeling refused to depart. Even though his skin was now raw from his repetitive rubbing, and even though his skin had started to tear, leaving small streaks of blood on his skin, he still couldn't stop. He wouldn't stop until he knew he was clean.

For a split second while he's sitting in the newly cleaned bath water, looking down at his hands, his vision goes red. The water is no longer pure, it's a deep shade of crimson, only achievable by draining multiple bodies and dumping them in the tub. His hands are drenched in the red liquid, the warmth trickling down his arm and through his fingers. He attempts to wash his hands off in the water, but there was little he could do when he was surrounded by filth. Even in the cold water, he feels as if his body was on fire. A sudden wave of nausea comes over him before he grabs for his rag and douses it in a new layer of soap, before rubbing at his skin yet again. His fingers shake, and his breathing becomes rugged and uneven as the rubbing does little to nothing to remove the red from his skin. He continues, knowing full well that the blood would never truly leave his skin. Stained, that's what his skin was. Stained with layers of old grime from the underground that he couldn't fully rid himself of. Stained with the layers of blood from all of the people who had crossed him. Stained with layers of filth that the outside world brought upon. The rhythmic rubbing of his skin continues for what seems like hours, and the soft rag begins to feel harsh and painful against his bare skin. He keeps going, but to no avail.

_“You're filthy.”_ The voice in Levi's head begins. _“Impure, unsanitary, unclean, revolting, repulsive.”_ The voice continues, whispering words of distaste towards Levi and his grungy body. The voice, Levi noted, always whispered, it never shouted. Levi knew why, of course. He knew it only whispered because the voice that would tell you to cut your wrists or take a handful of pills, or even jump from heights would never shout, it would only whisper, leaving it even more menacing. He wanted the voice and the thoughts he had out of his head. He knew they would never leave though, as the thoughts you wished away were the ones that plagued your mind more than most. A sob ripped itself from Levi's throat, causing Levi to curl in on himself in defeat, dropping the now blood-stained rag, into the pink water.

“I just want to be clean.” Levi sobbed into his hands, voice low and strained as if he had been screaming. “I just want to be clean..”


	2. Encrassé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has to deal with the aftermath of scrubbing his skin raw the previous night.. His first encounter with Eren is also shown in this chapter.. 
> 
> -I'm rather fond of the first words Levi says to the boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter translation: Dirty
> 
> Other translations in the end notes

_He sits there, legs dangling off the toilet as he kicks them back and forth. He’s bored, incredibly bored, but a part of him knows that he isn’t supposed to leave the bathroom yet, so he sits there and he waits.. And waits, and waits. The boy can’t be any older than 5 or 6, his black hair is greasy and reaches his shoulders  The boredom eventually gets the best of him and he slides off the toilet seat. A small, quiet, gasp leaves his dry lips as his bare feet hit the cold, tile, floor, but he quickly recovers as he scampers over to the sink and gets down on his knees to open the cabinet. His small hands grip at the magazines that were placed at the bottom, and after he takes them out, he grabs at the scissors that were by the sink. As he’s grabbing them, he pauses and looks at his hands. A part of him is disgusted, there’s dirt under his nails and a small layer of dirt plastered against his palms and going up his wrists. He wrinkles his nose in disgust, why hadn’t he washed his hands yet? Placing the scissors down on the magazines that he had taken out before, he pulls out a block of wood that he had been using as a step stool for a few years, and turns the sink faucet. When the bathroom is filled with silence instead of the sound of water, he shrugs and runs his palms against the white night gown that he was wearing. The other part of him knows that he can’t wash his hands yet, as the water went out a few days ago. His mom has been working extra hard to get enough money to get the water turned back on though, and when it’s back on, he can wash his hands and take a nice, warm, bath._

_He sits against the cold tile, cutting away at the magazine with the picture of a dress on the front, when he hears a loud thud from the room outside the bathroom. The thump sends a vibration against the floor, and the boy tilts his head in confusion. He wants to go check what the noise was, but he isn’t allowed to leave the bathroom, not yet. Following the thud, a series of other noises fill the air, and the boy vaguely recognizes them as voices through the thick, wooden, door. The voices are loud, unfriendly sounding, and with them comes even more thumps that send vibrations against the floor. They seem to be yelling about money, but that’s all the little boy can make out of their conversation. Curiosity gets the best of the boy as he gets on his hands and knees and moves ever so slowly towards the door. Pressing his cheek against the floor, he makes a note to himself to help sweep later, then looks through the crack at the bottom of the door. The light creeping in from the other room is the only reason he can partially see what's going on. Glass, that’s the first thing he sees. The light blue of a vase that lay in the corner of his bed, by the lamp that lit the room, was sprayed across the wooden floor of the bedroom. He wants to sigh, grab the broom out of the bathroom closet and open the door, but it’s not the right time, he’ll be told when he can come out._

_The longer he stares through the crack of the door, the more he takes in.There’s two pairs of feet walking around the room, and when he hears a door slam shut, there’s only one. He sees somebody get down on their hands and knees and carefully watches them as they pick up the pieces of glass that were sprayed across the floor, and when all of the glass is gone and sitting in their palm, he watches as they stand up and leave the room. Soon enough, the feet are back  and he watches as the feet make there way across the bedroom, and before he knows it, the feet are stationed in front of the door. Lifting his cheek from the tile, the boy stands up and scoots back just in time to avoid the swing of the door opening._

_“May I come out now, maman?” The little boy asks, looking up at the figure in the doorway; the little boys mother. The only answer he gets is a nod of her head, and as they both make their way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, he takes in the way his mother looks. Light eyes, long black hair, and pale white skin much like his own. His mother was truly a beauty, and he knew that her beauty was the reason so many strange men would come over, which would make his mother tell him to sit in the bathroom and wait until they left. He never completely understood why, but he listened anyways; He would do anything his mother asked of him._

_“Why were you yelling about money?” The boy asks innocently as he climbs up on the bed and pulls the covers up. It was already fairly late in the day, his mother's appointments always seemed to happen late though so he couldn’t do much about it._

_“What did I tell you about eavesdropping, mon petit chou?” The little boys mother says, voice soft and smooth like butter as she turns off the lamp before laying herself on the bed next to the boy and pulling him gently in her arms._

_The boy is quiet for a moment as he takes in the warmth of his mothers figure and lets out a sigh of comfort. “Not to do it because only bad boys do that.” The boy finally says as he nuzzles his face into the crook of his mother's neck._

_“That's right! Now, are you a bad boy?” She says, voice low as one of her hands make little circles on the little boys back in a soothing way, while the other is running through his black hair._

_“No, maman.” The reply is quick and filled with certainty._

_“I know you aren’t. Now, let’s get some sleep.”_

_“Goodnight, maman.”_

_“Goodnight, mon ange”_

 

* * *

 

He awakes with a jolt, hand unconsciously shooting to his hair to make sure it’s not greasy. His hand pulls back as if it had been burnt as he touches his head. His hair is plastered to his forehead with sweat, and then he realizes that his sleeping-wear is stuck to his skin as well. ‘Fucking _disgusting.’_ He thinks as he stands up from his bed and makes his way to the bathroom. As he makes the short journey to his bathroom, he vaguely notices the color of the sky; the sun has yet to show itself, and the earth is still stained black. He washes his hands before he goes back to his bedroom, retrieves a clean uniform, then goes about warming up water for a bath. It had been a long time since he had a dream about his mother and the underground, and he can’t help but think about why he had that particular memory-Maybe it was brought on by the previous days events? He tries not to think about it as he finishes warming up the water and filling the bathtub.

While going about the task of undressing, his fingers twitch as he unwinds the wrap that he vaguely remembers putting on after his bath last night. The sight that greets him is unpleasant; blotches of rose red covers his skin in small, elevated bumps. The spots that he clearly rubbed harder on, mostly his arms, is covered in a deeper shade of red, closer to that of a cherry or a garnet, as the top layer of skin is gone. Small open wounds littered his skin, and he can’t help but grimace every time his finger slides across one while he finishes taking off the last bit of his bandages. He makes a side note to himself to take a trip to town to buy some more honey. As pricey as it was, it would help keep his skin free of infection. Situating himself down into the warm bath water, his breath hitches as the water hits his skin, but he chooses to ignore it as he grabs for a rag and douses it in soap, a task he’s done multiple times in the past week. Running the rag across his raw skin is something he’s hesitant to do, but his body insists he cleans his body to rid his skin of the sweat that's stuck to it.

As he drags the rag across his skin, a part of him relishes in the feeling of being clean. The fact that a simple rubbing-down of soap and water could cleanse his skin, remove the dirt and sweat from his pores, caused a feeling of peace to come over Levi. The other part of him, the more reasonable part, was telling him that he was going overboard with his cleaning. Keeping up personal hygiene was important, but to what point? Was him scrubbing his skin raw overkill? Yes. Was he going to stop scrubbing even though he re-opened small wounds on his skin? No, no he wasn’t. As he grew older, he learned to appreciate the feeling of clean clothes, clean hair, clean skin, as in the underground, he was surrounded by filth. He can’t pin-point for sure when he became obsessed with cleanliness, most of the memories of his time in the underground were blocked by a thick wall; the wall had cracks, letting memories slip through every once and awhile. He has bits and pieces of memories with his mother and Kenny, and he remembers his time spent with Isabel and Farlan, even remembers his first meeting with Erwin (As if he could forget getting his face bashed into a filthy puddle.) so he can’t help but think about _why_ there’s a large portion of his memories that are just blank, gone, leaving a gaping hole in its wake. He recalls a conversation with Hanji about memories, about how some were so traumatic that the brain shut them out, seals them in the very depths of the skull. He wonders if that’s what had happened with him, and what exactly the memory was that had caused his obsessiveness to spike.

The bath water cools the longer he sits in the water, the coldness of it is comforting against his wounds, but he knows it’s time to get out and start his day. Draining the water from the tub is a simple task, and as the water is departing, he dries and moisturizes his skin with a cream Hanji had made from aloe. The cracking of Levi’s dry skin-from washing it too much- had started causing small cuts and tares in his knuckles, and when Hanji simply handed him the cream years ago without a word, he thanked them and had gotten the cream ever since. Once his skin possesses a thin layer of the aloe cream, he wraps his arms and torso with bandage and gets dressed within minutes, a habit he picked up when he was young. When he emerges from the bathroom, the sky is now a navy blue, an hour or so before dawn. It’s too early for the birds to be out and chirping, and the cadets were most-likely still asleep. Levi finds himself hoping for a peaceful morning.

Levi goes about the task of making his daily cup of tea when he makes it down to the kitchen. He made a cup of black tea everyday without failure, today was no different. After he situates himself in his usual spot in the lunch hall, he takes a sip of his tea and savors the taste of it. Letting his eyes droop closed, he lets a small relaxed sigh leave his lips. It was quiet in the lunch hall, just how he liked it, and he was holding his favorite beverage. He had taken a nice, warm, bath, and hadn’t seen another soul yet. It was truly shaping out to be a good day.

He thought too soon.

“Ah, I knew I smelt tea!” A voice says from right beside him, directly in his ear. Heaven knows how he didn’t sense them before they got so close. If not sense, then at least smell. His nose was nowhere near as good as Mikes, but he’s fairly sure he’d be able to smell body odor from a few feet away.

“Fuck, Hanji, do you have to be so loud?” Levi mutters into his cup as he takes another sip. Leave it to Levi to have his first words of the day be a curse. By the look of them, they’ve been up all night doing god knows what, probably experiments. Their clothes were wrinkled, dark bags to match Levi’s were under their eyes, and they clearly hadn’t bathed-- Which wasn’t too uncommon for them.

Putting their hands up in surrender, they say a quick “Sorry, sorry,” before sitting down next to Levi- uninvited. The silence that comes with their presence is thick, so thick that it could be cut with a knife. The uncomfortable silence has Hanji twitching in their seat, their eyes don’t stay in one spot for long, and their knee is bouncing up in down. They clearly want to say something.

Sighing, Levi puts down his tea and turns his full attention to Hanji. “What, what is it?” He says, annoyance clear in his voice. God, how he wished he could have one, just one, peaceful morning.

Everything is silent for a few more seconds, something that Levi would typically relish in if it weren’t the total opposite of Hanji’s typical mood. When they finally speak, he isn’t sure how to reply.

“You know, if you need help or just somebody to talk to, you can always come to me. I’ll talk to you as a friend, not a scientist.” Hanji says, and it is now that Levi notes that they haven’t pulled out their typical notebook and pencil to take down notes. As the silence stretches on, Levi not knowing what to say takes another sip of his tea, and Hanji waiting for his words, decides to speak up yet again. Their eyes are filled with sympathy, pity, and determination when they say the next sentence, and Levi can’t help but grimace at the thought of being pitied and looked down upon.

“Do you… Want to talk about what happened yesterday?” They say, voice purposeful and hesitant, so unlike their usual exuberant and robust personality that Levi takes a moment before he replies just to look at them.

Remembering the filth that plagued his skin the previous day, he says a simple “No,” before taking another sip of his tea and closing his eyes. Hanji doesn’t press him for any answers, and before they know it, the sound of voices filled with grogginess fill the air. Cadets fully dressed in their uniform pile into the mess hall to get their breakfast. Finishing his tea, Levi stands up from where he sat and gives Hanji a small nod before departing into the kitchen so he can clean his teacup. Once he’s done, he leaves the mess hall and goes to pull out his 3D Maneuver Gear. He would be training the cadets today, first with hand-to-hand combat and then with their 3DMG, it wouldn’t hurt to get his gear set-up beforehand. It isn’t long before the cadets have finished their breakfast are are heading down to the training area, an open field, and doing their stretches. They all line up once done stretching and salute their Captain

“At ease,” Levi says as he stand in front of them, then crosses his arms as he glances at each of the soldiers standing in front of him. They were all attentive, awaiting his next command.

“Springer, come here. I’ll be using you as a quick sparring partner to show you all a new move. Everybody watch close, I’m not keen on having to re-do this because you had your head up somebody's ass and weren’t paying attention.” Connie was the most-likely choice when it came to choosing a sparring partner as he was closer to his height. Using Jean or Berthold would just be awkward due to their lanky limbs. As Connie stands in front of him, Levi grimaces slightly at the fact that in a mere couple of second he would have to put his hands on the boy. Although he had been training cadets for multiple years, he couldn’t get over the fact that touching another human being made discomfort swirl in his gut. Pushing his feelings to the side, he hides them all behind the mask he calls a face before alerting to the group of teenagers in front of him that they better pay close attention. The move is fairly simple and requires minimal touching. Once he’s shown the trick a decent amount of times, to the point where he believes that even a monkey could grasp how to do the trick, he lets Connie go and has everybody paired off into two’s to practice.

It isn't long before Levi has to intervene and set two soldiers right, though, he isn’t surprise. Eren Jaeger and Jean Kirstein, the two tended to argue and bicker more than anybody had in his years of being a Captain. With an unamused look plastered on his face, he watches as Eren does the move incorrectly and throws Jean to the ground before bringing a first up to pelt him in the face, still shouting at him. At that motion, Levi decides it’s time to step in,

“You’re doing a piss-poor job, Jaeger. Do I need to show you how to do the move again?” His voice is calm and collected, but the vibe that it gives off is menacing, that of the calm before a storm. Eren’s shoulders tense and he freezes, fist still in the air, before he turns to face Levi, anger still clear on his face. Eren had been hot-headed since the first moment they met, and he knows that he’s going to get mouthed at by the young man before he even opens his mouth.

“No, I don’t.” He says, irritation and fury etched into every word that left the boy’s mouth. The raven-haired man feels his eye twitch at the level of disrespect thrown in his face, before he’s throwing the young man into the dirt, face first.

“Now _that’s_ how to do the move correctly, watch your tone before talking to me, Jaeger.” He bites back, only brought to his senses as he hears a croak of a laugh slipping out of Jean’s mouth before it explodes into a full-on, gut-wrenching, howl.

“Holy, Eren, O-oh my God.” He gasps out, “You look like an idiot all sprawled out in the dirt like that. You sure got handed your ass quick.” Jean mocks, managing to give a sly smirk at the green-eyed boy still laying in the dirt.

“Kirstein, if you have the time to talk, you have the time to run. Twenty laps around the field.” Levi’s words seem to hit Jean straight in the face as he chokes on his laugh and salutes him before turning around and muttering as he begins to jog around the field.

Looking back at the boy who stands in front of him, now dusting the dirt off of his uniform, Levi puts a hand on his hip as he waits for the boy’s attention to land back on him. Once it does, the question is rolling off of his tongue before he can stop it. “Would you like me to show you how to do the move correctly?” The raven-haired man says, putting an emphasis on the word ‘correctly’ as he watches the brunette in front of him stand awkwardly, bouncing from leg to leg before nodding and letting out a small, grim, “Yes, sir.”

As they get into position, Levi eyes the young boy’s dirt stained hands before making a mental note to do the laundry as soon as he’s done with training. It wasn’t that his uniform never got dirty from training, but the thought that palms filled with dirt, sweat, and who knows what else touching his uniform made him mildly uncomfortable. It didn’t help that while Eren’s hands found their way to his arms, he misgrabs and ends up with his hands firmly holding onto the area of skin that was raw and bandaged up. A small wince of pain leaves Levi’s mouth without his permission. It’s small enough for the other cadets around them not to notice, but Eren clearly does and moves his hand up at once. There’s a questioning look in the boys eyes, but he doesn’t say anything as the move is correctly shown to him.

The hand-to-hand combat training goes by fast, learning new moves and touching up on older ones, and eventually everybody is moving onto 3D Maneuver Gear training. Most of the training when it came to hand-to-hand combat and 3DMG training was learned in the cadets three years of training prior to joining the Survey Corps, but it’s always good to practice and touch-up on your skills whenever you get the chance. When it came to training with Levi, he would mainly focus on training formations, movement, and how to avoid getting yourself tangled in your wires or anothers as it happened an embarrassingly large amount of times.

Everybody is strapped up in their gear in no time, and as Levi fires off the acoustic-flare signaling for the training to begin, he feels the weight of the branch he’s standing on dip ever so slightly. Turning his attention to the figure besides him, he meets the eyes of a determined yet somehow anxious looking Eren Jaeger. He could only assume the anxiety leaking into the boys eyes was stemmed from him not following through with completing his training like the rest of the members of his group.

The silence that fills the air after the brunette lands on the branch is loud and uncomforting, causing Eren to teeter from leg to leg unconsciously. “Well? Spit it out.” Levi says, having had enough with the silence and genuinely starting to get curious as to what was so important that the brunette couldn’t wait until after training to have spoken to him.

He sputters at first, seemingly having choked on his saliva as Levi spoke, but clears his throat and opens his mouth to speak, “I couldn’t help but notice that you were in some pain during our hand-to-hand training earlier today,” he says, avoiding Levi’s eyes and looking seemingly at the landscape around him, as if it were the first time he’d ever laid eyes on it. “I was just wondering if, if well, you were alright?”

Eren’s words make Levi tense, and his subtle action seems to again be noticed by the younger of the two. Shrugging off his words, Levi carefully crosses his arms over his chest, being aware of his raw arms, and speaks “It’s really none of your concern. I suggest you get back to work before I make you run laps.”

The words meant to dismiss Eren seem to do the exact opposite, because as Levi finishes up his sentence, the boys emerald eyes dart to his, seeming to have new-found confidence laced into them. “You can trust me, you know,” he begins. “They say it's better to open up to those you barely know because then you won’t be expecting them to react a certain way.” As Eren speaks, the raven-haired man can’t help but find some wisdom in his words, and is shocked to think so. Since when did he start thinking that the hot-headed Jaeger held wisdom?

Levi ponders over Eren’s words for a few seconds before letting out a breath of air. “My arms are just feeling a bit sore is all.” He says, figuring that the easiest way to get the boy back to training would be to give him an answer that he wanted. His words seem to be enough, and Eren gives a simple nod as he puts his hands on his gear to get ready to join up with the rest of the group.

“If you ever need to talk to somebody, I’m all ears. People like to say I’m not a good listener, but I’d like to say otherwise. If you ask Armin or Mikasa I’m sure they’d agree.” Eren says before shooting off in the direction of the others, and leaving Levi to think about his words. Standing there after Eren leaves makes Levi think back to that morning and the short conversation he had with Hanji and how they too had offered to help him. As training goes on, Levi can’t help but continue thinking to himself. Did he really need help? If so, did he really _want_ it?

Dinner time rolls around, and Levi finally realizes how hungry he actually was having skipped dinner the previous day and breakfast that morning since his dream had him unable to stomach anything. His memories from the underground always made him uneasy, especially when they involved his mother. Hunger isn’t anything new for him though, so he takes his time cleaning off his equipment, doing his laundry from the day before, and wiping down his door handle. By the time he’s done cleaning, everybody has already retired to their bunks for the night. Levi never was one to enjoy eating around others though, so he enjoys the quiet as he wipes down the  table he intends to eat at. Grabbing at the edge of his left gloved hand, he peels off the glove and balls it into his right hand before slipping his left pointer finger under the gloved hand and pulling it off his hand, successfully turning it inside out and avoiding touching his skin with the soiled outer layer, afterwards he gets a plate of dinner. Once he’s finished eating and cleaning his plate, he makes a cup of tea and goes to his room to work on some paperwork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, little fun fact about why I went into detail about Levi removing his gloves: I'm in a-I guess you could call it a nursing class?- and in it, we had a month long (no joke-a month) lesson on how to properly wash your hands and how to remove gloves. Of course, being the germ fanatic myself, I found these lessons great. I wore gloves around the class without it being weird, and I got to WASH MY HANDS CONSTANTLY without it being weird! Needless to say, it was amazing. 
> 
> Enough about me though,  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment if you did! :) Also, if you have anything that you'd like added into the story-maybe a scene/dialogue line/fact, then leave a comment telling me so! There's no promise that it'll be added into the story, but as I mentioned in the previous Chapter Notes, I get horrible writers block... So maybe those little notes/comments will help! 
> 
> I've also decided that I'll be working on creating an update schedule for this fic, that way you guys won't have to wait months for an update. Also, if you notice any typos please let me know as I currently don't have a beta. 
> 
> Translation:  
> Maman: Mum  
> Mon petit chou: My little cream puff (Also translate to my little cabbage)  
> Mon ange: My angel 
> 
>  
> 
> Don't forget about my Tumblr! :)
> 
> [Destielock221b](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/destielock221b)

**Author's Note:**

> So that's chapter one! I hope you all enjoyed it. If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask in the comments, I don't bite… Most the time! ;^) Some other information to help with taking in this chapter is that I've made the Industrial City (Where the Survey Corps gets their weapons) in an area where the wall has already been breached -- The gear was not originally behind the walls. I'm not sure if this information is for you readers or an author's note for me in the future, but yeah. Some unneeded information: I finished writing this on Christmas… :^)..... My apologizes for not posting sooner. 
> 
> Comments fuel me! I tend to procrastinate, and also have a bad habit of rereading things I've wrote and trying to fix the as I typically don't think they're good enough. Comments on my fics keep me going, they make me check the fic more often as well! 
> 
> I'm going to try and update this every two weeks.. If I take longer than a month to update without giving a hiatus heads-up, please message me on Tumblr [Destielock221b](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/destielock221b) or leave a comment! Otherwise I'll surely continue to procrastinate an update. 
> 
>  
> 
> -Leave a kudo if you enjoyed! :)-


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